The Self-Starter Foundation - Stealth {Tarter}

NP: nothing.
NR: nothing.

She didn’t take her toothbrush. I can’t even begin to tell you the significance I am TRYING to attach to that sentence. She’s out. With the girls. And with him. And I know she packed a bag, and I don’t expect her for the duration of the weekend. But she didn’t pack a toothbrush.

Is there a travel toothbrush that I don’t know about? Or does she actually maybe plan to come back here? Or did she just forget?

I’m racking my brain for answers. I’m trying to figure out what outfit she’s taken out of the garment bag that’s been untouched for over a week. I’m half a second away from trying to figure out what bra and panties she’s wearing. Would I even be able to process-of-elimination it from what’s still left in the suitcase on the floor?

I just read the line from Durrell: “There are only three things to be done with a woman. You can love her, suffer for her, or turn her into literature.”

Why did I have to read that just now? I’m supposed to be writing the forceful, impactful first paragraphs of a story. Now that’s just too much pressure.

A work of fiction? Is any work of fiction truly a work of fiction? I find it hard to believe.

I’m no wordsmith. I’m a blunderer and a plunderer trying to work through my pain using the written word. I hate every word I type. This isn’t my voice; this is my written voice. That semicolon gets sounded aloud in my head when I’m writing, but not when I’m just thinking a typically disjointed thought that requires the semicolon. I don’t reject the punctuation and the lexicon: I reject my willingness to bend to them.

And I know the ellipsis is not long to follow. It follows me everywhere. I use it extensively, and it can only be a metaphor for my life. [Instead of typing “life” just now, I accidentally typed “laugh”. Is that my subconscious telling me that my life is a joke? It just might be.] Thoughts unthunk, sentences unfinished. Harebrained schemes half-hatched and aborted via neglect. My life requires the ellipsis, because I can’t locate a period. Even though I sense the end paragraph symbol is lurking just round the bend.

1:43 AM Instead of txting you i will write myself every time i think of you.

1:47 AM I hate that i dont get to go out with you and have any fun. Im really afraid of the dynamic thats begun.

2:48 AM This is killing me. I dont want to share you. I dont think i can handle it.

3:34 AM I hate this job. Every half hour i get up from the poker table and immediately start thinking of you.

3:36 AM As bar time approaches my skin starts to crawl even more.

3:38 AM I love you.

4:17 AM All i can think about is getting home and finding you in my bed and how happy that would make me. And how sad im going to be

4:17 AM when its not true.

5:15 AM I dont know if i can do this. Im falling apart.

5:27 AM There are only three things to be done with a woman. You can love her, suffer for her, or turn her into literature.

6:09 AM This is the worst.

6:25 AM Ive never been more depressed in my life.

3:39 AM Im sorry... I cant stay away. I love you no matter what. I hope you had fun tonite and are safe. Many kisses spiggy.

I had actually sent the last one to her. I’m ashamed I did. It’s pathetic and petty and weak. And pathetic. I’m pathetic.

I’m angry. I’m more angry than I let on, but I’m actually even more sad than I let on, too.

9:13 AM As sad as i am and as confused as i am… I want you to know one thing. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Please come home.

Not officially timed, but… Why are you wearing your sexy boots tonight?

I’m devastated.

---

All of the above was sent to her at 9:13 AM. Neither she, nor Christopher (the other man), nor her toothbrush responded.

02.26.07 a strange offshoot of the cabaret laws?

NP: "Red Hill Mining Town" - U2.
NP: "Purple Rain" - Prince & The Revolution.
NR: "The View From Castle Rock" by Alice Munro. If I could write like Alice Munro I would run around flaunting it like an asshole.

This is just the funniest sign I've seen in a long long time. I stopped in my tracks (literally) walking down First Avenue yesterday. Wow.

It reminds me of a couple of other signs I've seen lately:

02.15.07 playing with playlists

NP: "Snowshoes" - Precious Fathers. A bunch of nice bearded gentlemen playing instrumental rock in Vancouver. Filled with lots of important chords, it's just crisp and solid and nice.
NP: "Snakes And Tea" - Metallic Falcons. I got this because of John Darnielle's review up on emusic. It's nice (and better than the last Coco Rosie album), but perhaps a bit too willfully obtuse.
NP: "Tesselation, Formerly Plateau One" - Mahogany. A pretty song I downloaded because Wincy Pouter likes it so much.
NP: "Newborn Life Teething" - Novi Split. The double-tracked vocals in this song are sublimely beautiful. I'm assuming this is a one-man band. It certainly sounds like it.
NP: "Fake Palindromes" - Andrew Bird. One day about a month ago I woke up with this song in my head. The bombast of when the ramshackle drums first kick in and the violin soars and swells. Just those 10 seconds on perma-loop. And I couldn't get it out of my head and I couldn't identify it for a week. It was really to the point of driving me crazy.
NP: "Mercy, Me" - What Made Milwaukee Famous. I don't remember them being intricate when I saw them play live. Good song. I still haven't really digested the album.
NP: "Danse Sur La Merde" - Prototypes. They Might Be Giants crossed with Plastic Bertrand? I love it. It's tough and mean and catchy as hell.
NP: "Not Witherspoon, But Silverstone" - Thunderbirds Are Now!. I also never realized how much these guys sound like "Rome EP" era Les Savy Fav.
NP: "Dart For My Sweetheart" - Archie Bronson Outfit. The new album speaks to the intensity of the live show I saw them play in London a couple of years ago. The first album was pretty flat, but the new album is just plain smoking.
NP: "Let It Come Down" - Blood Meridian. Slow and kinda non-descript, it's still a bit interesting.
NP: "Browns Town" - Beaten Awake. Really can't get behind the band name, as it's just too much of a distraction. His voice reminds me of someone, and I can't put my finger on it.
NP: "Plantage" - Under Byen. Blonde Redhead on a bad day? That's just mean. It's better than that, but not as good as a lot of other folks are saying. Maybe i just need to hear more of it.
NP: "Writing On The Wall" - Cities. Chiming U2-esque guitars and vaguely brit-pop-y vocals add up to this being pretty unmemorable. Certainly not offensive, but nothing to write home about.
NP: "We're Just Temporary Ma'am" - White Whale. And, well... more middle-of-the-road stuff.
NP: "I Could Move" - Please Step Out Of The Vehicle. I like the vaguely Built-To-Spill-ish-ness of this song. Don't know anything about the band, nor do I even know when and where I downloaded it.
NP: "songwriter_03_NEW.m3u" - stream all of the above songs.
NP: "songwriter_03_NEW.zip" - zip file of all of the above songs.
NR: Finally finished Last Exit To Brooklyn. The final chapter or vignette or whatever the hell you call it is absolutely lovely. The first four are all just set up, and the last one is simply sublime. Wow. Truly.

Nothing really to write. Just finishing off the mp3 playlists above.

02.14.07 wincy pouter

NP: "Giants And Tigers" - Great Lakes. Continuing the post from yesterday, these are some more tracks that I selected for the songwriting friend that is about to start writing his new album of material. Yesterday's playlist is called "OLD" because it's songs that are older. Today's is called "MEDIUM" because it's songs that aren't old and aren't new. (Can you guess what the next playlist is going to be called?). To start this one off is Great Lakes. They added this song to their set halfway through the tour with The Clientele. It was always a highlight when they played it.
NP: "Really Dave Matthews" - Don Lennon. One of the Dungen guys bought this album on tour. It's kinda a gimmick, but... it's enjoyable if you haven't heard it at all.
NP: "Kathy In Her Bedroom" - Bedroom Walls. Just a great song from the new album.
NP: "Rose" - The Race. A pretty pretty song. Was hoping they were going to be available to play with Frightened Rabbit in Chicago, but alas they weren't available.
NP: "Down At Columbia And Cameron" - The Physics Of Meaning. I don't even remember when I downloaded this, and I've never tracked anything else down by this band. But I like this song.
NP: "6/8" - The 101. One of the best songs The Self-Starter Foundation ever put out.
NP: "Plan B" - The New Year. I need to get the Bedhead albums on CD one of these days. And I need to pay better attention to the great The New Year records.
NP: "One And Only" - Grand Champeen. I never got this album. I should track it down one of these days.
NP: "I'm With You And The Constellations" - Mazarin. Another band I've just never paid enough attention to, even though I know how good they are.
NP: "Summer Special" - Land Of Talk. I look forward to hearing an entire album from these folks. Maybe it's already out and I don't even know about it? Maybe I should do some research before I go and type away, eh?
NP: "Sunday Bell" - Audible. Sweet song from this Philadelphia band. Always great.
NP: "Life Is Still Sweet" - White Hassle. One of my favorites ever. Just a perfect perfect PERFECT song.
NP: "The Melody Of A Fallen Tree" - Windsor For The Derby. Pretty song.
NP: "Lost To The Lonesome" - Pela. Should have been the next U2 or The Church (and I mean that in a good way), but... I think they kinda just disappeared. Again... I should do some research.
NP: "Track 2" - The Paper Chase. Like... maybe I should also find out the name of this song? Before Gracenote CDDB you used to actually have to type in all the mp3 metadata yourself. Do you remember that, kids?
NP: "House Of Cats" - Meneguar. Local favorites really coming into their own.
NP: "songwriter_02_MEDIUM.m3u" - stream all of the above songs.
NP: "songwriter_02_MEDIUM.zip" - zip file of all of the above songs.
NR: Finally starting the new Alice Munro.

Took Wincy Pouter out for Valentine's Day. Had very ambitious plans. Three inches of snow in Staten Island and the entire car service and taxi industry decides that it will just close. Fucking ridiculous. Dinner at Aesop's Table was actually quite nice. But, anyway. Trudging most of the way back to the ferry before finally getting a bus, we get onto the 1 train and make it to The Met in time for the start of Act 2 of Jenufa. I can't say it was really very good, but... It was nice to go to the opera.

The timing would have all worked out if it weren't for the storm. Which is just plain ridiculous. The entire city acted as if they weren't prepared. The sidewalks in the East Village are still really poorly taken care of. Walking to BBBB is so much better because there are so many homeowners that they're taking care of it themselves.

02.13.07 the easiest game in the world

NP: "Rana" - Pitchfork.I spent a couple of days working on a series of mixes for a friend who is about to start the songwriting process for a new album. He asked me to send him some stuff that maybe he hasn't heard or should listen to again. Of course I totally nerded out and ended up making him fiftenn 72-minute playlists. But in the process I listened to some things I hadn't for a while, and some new stuff I hadn't really thought about. And then I nerded out even further and decided to break out some of the lesser known songs into a couple of playlists to upload to Stealth. So... Here's the first of three installments. Leading it off is my favorite song from one of my favorite bands ever. With so much attention given to Hot Snakes, Drive Like Jehu, and Rocket From The Crypt, I'm always amazed at how few people are aware of the first band, Pitchfork.
NP: "Instrumental" - Love Battery. Another sadly overlooked band... Love Battery were the punching bag of the 90's Sub Pop roster. Or maybe that was Pond. But damn if they weren't a fucking amazing band.
NP: "Rising" - Flophouse. I loved this band, and nobody had ever heard of them, and then I learned years later that Gerard Cosloy loved them, too. I never could understand why they didn't end up on Matador.
NP: "Slackjawed" - The Connells. Somehow The Connells are barely a footnote to melodic rock of the late 80's and early 90's, even though they were every bit as good as The Replacements, Soul Asylum, R.E.M. Maybe because they never really made a truly great album. Or maybe blame TVT? Or maybe blame the typical Tarheel student for being known for having taste as bad as, say, a student from Tulane.
NP: "Swollen Sonnet" - Cold Water Flat. Ironically, I just realized that Cold Water Flat were managed by the same guy as The Connells. If The Connells are a footnote, Cold Water Flat are at best a small mention in an exhaustive text about Buffalo Tom.
NP: "Chinese Balls" - Red Red Meat. I never loved Red Red Meat at the time. I loved The Grifters way more. But I've turned into a big fan of Califone through the years, and have gone back with a bigger appreciation for Red Red Meat.
NP: "I Told A Lie" - Flop. A sorely underappreciated band from Seattle. Two-minute pop gems.
NP: "Jennifer She Said" - Lloyd Cole & The Commotions. Solid pop craftsmanship. Lloyd Cole makes it seem easy. Still does, actually. That new album from last year is actually quite good.
NP: "Cliquetown" - New Bad Things. I wish I had the 7" version of this somewhere. One of these days I'll start to think about thinking about digitizing my vinyl. Until then I'll just write stupid sentences like these.
NP: "Dupe, Richard ('Ricky')" - Chevy Heston. I think Tim Harrington and I are the only two people that remember this band. Wow they were amazing.
NP: "Waint" - Vanilla Trainwreck. If these guys had been on Merge instead of Mammoth they probably would have been huge.
NP: "Jeremy's Growin Tips" - Pie. Another very strange Boston band (along with Chevy Heston). Strangely I just saw that somebody put out a compilation of songs from old Pie cassettes.
NP: "Anger Battery" - Verbal Assault. Just an amazing song from latter-era Verbal Assault.
NP: "Pet Tricks" - Swiz. And one of my all-time favorites from DC.
NP: "The Lonesomes" - Haynes Boys. A pretty song from Tim Easton's band before all those solo albums. "It's called a job; they're called the bank." One of the best lines I've ever heard.
NP: "Morrissey" - The Sextants. A silly song. But it still kinda makes me laugh a little.
NP: "songwriter_01_OLD.m3u" - stream all of the above songs.
NP: "songwriter_01_OLD.zip" - zip file of all of the above songs.
NR: more random New Yorkers from the last three months. Have gotten through a couple, and have decided to work my way back to the issue from October and November I never finished, but then I realized that i'm actually just flat-out missing a bunch of weeks from last summer, that clearly I must have never read, or have given to Kendel and don't even remember doing it.

Sat down to play at BBBB the other night. Was scheduled to work, but then we didn't get a game and didn't get a game and didn't get a game. Finally close to 2:00 AM a game is about to start, and I decide that I'll let the other dealer deal the entire time, and I'll sit down to play. I sit down with $220. I can't risk any more because I've got to take Kendel out for Valentine's day and my plans are going to cost around $400. But the table is weak, and I really haven't played in many months... the opportunity is there, so I go for it.

And I'm reminded about how easy this game is. You wait until you have the nuts or close to the nuts, and then you go all-in and somebody calls you with a clearly inferior hand and you make a lot of money. I make $900 in two hours, most of it on 47suited and 47off, and most of it off the same player both times.

The first time I'm holding:

There's a small raise... I go to the flop with 4 players total and $50 in the pot. The flop:

First guy checks, second guy bets $30. I call, guy on button calls, first guy folds. 3 players to the turn, $140 in the pot:

I don't like the paired board, but I'm not worried about the straights anymore. First guy bets out $60. I call. The guy behind me goes all-in over the bet. It's back to the first guy and he's hemming and hawing and saying "how can I lay this down" and asking how much it is. It's $89 over the bet. The first guy calls it. It comes back to me. At this point I think the guy on the button has a boat, and the first guy either has the straight or trip Js. Either way, i decide that the only way I'm going to make any money out of the pot is to put the first guy all-in. I go all-in for about $300 ($149 of which is going to go into the main pot... $60 of which i already put in the pot). Again the guy is talking to himself even more and final says that he has to call. He calls. There's $590 in the main pot, and $300 on the side. The river:

player #1 hand:

player #3 hand:

I take down the entire pot. I have almost $900 in front of me.

Then about a half hour later I'm in a pot with:

A premium starting hand. I limp for $2, then it gets raised to $10. Four callers and it's back to me to close the action in middle position. I call. The flop comes:

Early guy bets $20, I call, two other players call. 4 players to the turn, $130 in the pot:

I hit the gutshot to the second nuts (not that I'm really worried about 84 being out there, but... i guess you never know. But I don't like the possible two-pairs and sets and flush draws, so... I decide to bet big. First guy checks to me. I make it $120. Next guy makes it $300. Other two players fold. It's back to me. Now I'm worried that the other guy is freerolling on me: does he have the 4diamonds with another diamond? or is he just full of shit. He's a big bluffer, so... I'm not too worried when i push all-in on him. he only has about $450 total ($150 over the $300), so he calls. The river:

He never shows his hand. I take down the entire thing. I guess he had two pair.

I dick around for an hour. Am up exactly $1000 and vow to myself that I'm not going to lose any of it and just fold every hand for 15 minutes until the game is going to break, but... of course I lose $100 in the last hand. But... I get up with $900 in my pocket more than I started with.

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name = chris email = here release date = 04.11.72 There's nothing I could write here that you couldn't figure out by reading the stuff to your left.

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