03.19.07 barbecue

NP: nothing
NR: nothing.



Some pictures Yancey took at The Salt Lick on Saturday afternoon.



03.10.07 the end

NP: nothing.
NR: nothing.



She didnít take her toothbrush. I canít even begin to tell you the significance I am TRYING to attach to that sentence. Sheís out. With the girls. And with him. And I know she packed a bag, and I donít expect her for the duration of the weekend. But she didnít pack a toothbrush.

Is there a travel toothbrush that I donít know about? Or does she actually maybe plan to come back here? Or did she just forget?

Iím racking my brain for answers. Iím trying to figure out what outfit sheís taken out of the garment bag thatís been untouched for over a week. Iím half a second away from trying to figure out what bra and panties sheís wearing. Would I even be able to process-of-elimination it from whatís still left in the suitcase on the floor?

I just read the line from Durrell: ďThere are only three things to be done with a woman. You can love her, suffer for her, or turn her into literature.Ē

Why did I have to read that just now? Iím supposed to be writing the forceful, impactful first paragraphs of a story. Now thatís just too much pressure.

A work of fiction? Is any work of fiction truly a work of fiction? I find it hard to believe.

Iím no wordsmith. Iím a blunderer and a plunderer trying to work through my pain using the written word. I hate every word I type. This isnít my voice; this is my written voice. That semicolon gets sounded aloud in my head when Iím writing, but not when Iím just thinking a typically disjointed thought that requires the semicolon. I donít reject the punctuation and the lexicon: I reject my willingness to bend to them.

And I know the ellipsis is not long to follow. It follows me everywhere. I use it extensively, and it can only be a metaphor for my life. [Instead of typing ďlifeĒ just now, I accidentally typed ďlaughĒ. Is that my subconscious telling me that my life is a joke? It just might be.] Thoughts unthunk, sentences unfinished. Harebrained schemes half-hatched and aborted via neglect. My life requires the ellipsis, because I canít locate a period. Even though I sense the end paragraph symbol is lurking just round the bend.

1:43 AM Instead of txting you i will write myself every time i think of you.

1:47 AM I hate that i dont get to go out with you and have any fun. Im really afraid of the dynamic thats begun.

2:48 AM This is killing me. I dont want to share you. I dont think i can handle it.

3:34 AM I hate this job. Every half hour i get up from the poker table and immediately start thinking of you.

3:36 AM As bar time approaches my skin starts to crawl even more.

3:38 AM I love you.

4:17 AM All i can think about is getting home and finding you in my bed and how happy that would make me. And how sad im going to be

4:17 AM when its not true.

5:15 AM I dont know if i can do this. Im falling apart.

5:27 AM There are only three things to be done with a woman. You can love her, suffer for her, or turn her into literature.

6:09 AM This is the worst.

6:25 AM Ive never been more depressed in my life.

3:39 AM Im sorry... I cant stay away. I love you no matter what. I hope you had fun tonite and are safe. Many kisses spiggy.

I had actually sent the last one to her. Iím ashamed I did. Itís pathetic and petty and weak. And pathetic. Iím pathetic.

Iím angry. Iím more angry than I let on, but Iím actually even more sad than I let on, too.

9:13 AM As sad as i am and as confused as i amÖ I want you to know one thing. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Please come home.

Not officially timed, butÖ Why are you wearing your sexy boots tonight?

Iím devastated.

---

All of the above was sent to her at 9:13 AM. Neither she, nor Christopher (the other man), nor her toothbrush responded.



02.26.07 a strange offshoot of the cabaret laws?

NP: "Red Hill Mining Town" - U2.
NP: "Purple Rain" - Prince & The Revolution.
NR: "The View From Castle Rock" by Alice Munro. If I could write like Alice Munro I would run around flaunting it like an asshole.



This is just the funniest sign I've seen in a long long time. I stopped in my tracks (literally) walking down First Avenue yesterday. Wow.

It reminds me of a couple of other signs I've seen lately:



02.15.07 playing with playlists

NP: "Snowshoes" - Precious Fathers. A bunch of nice bearded gentlemen playing instrumental rock in Vancouver. Filled with lots of important chords, it's just crisp and solid and nice.
NP: "Snakes And Tea" - Metallic Falcons. I got this because of John Darnielle's review up on emusic. It's nice (and better than the last Coco Rosie album), but perhaps a bit too willfully obtuse.
NP: "Tesselation, Formerly Plateau One" - Mahogany. A pretty song I downloaded because Wincy Pouter likes it so much.
NP: "Newborn Life Teething" - Novi Split. The double-tracked vocals in this song are sublimely beautiful. I'm assuming this is a one-man band. It certainly sounds like it.
NP: "Fake Palindromes" - Andrew Bird. One day about a month ago I woke up with this song in my head. The bombast of when the ramshackle drums first kick in and the violin soars and swells. Just those 10 seconds on perma-loop. And I couldn't get it out of my head and I couldn't identify it for a week. It was really to the point of driving me crazy.
NP: "Mercy, Me" - What Made Milwaukee Famous. I don't remember them being intricate when I saw them play live. Good song. I still haven't really digested the album.
NP: "Danse Sur La Merde" - Prototypes. They Might Be Giants crossed with Plastic Bertrand? I love it. It's tough and mean and catchy as hell.
NP: "Not Witherspoon, But Silverstone" - Thunderbirds Are Now!. I also never realized how much these guys sound like "Rome EP" era Les Savy Fav.
NP: "Dart For My Sweetheart" - Archie Bronson Outfit. The new album speaks to the intensity of the live show I saw them play in London a couple of years ago. The first album was pretty flat, but the new album is just plain smoking.
NP: "Let It Come Down" - Blood Meridian. Slow and kinda non-descript, it's still a bit interesting.
NP: "Browns Town" - Beaten Awake. Really can't get behind the band name, as it's just too much of a distraction. His voice reminds me of someone, and I can't put my finger on it.
NP: "Plantage" - Under Byen. Blonde Redhead on a bad day? That's just mean. It's better than that, but not as good as a lot of other folks are saying. Maybe i just need to hear more of it.
NP: "Writing On The Wall" - Cities. Chiming U2-esque guitars and vaguely brit-pop-y vocals add up to this being pretty unmemorable. Certainly not offensive, but nothing to write home about.
NP: "We're Just Temporary Ma'am" - White Whale. And, well... more middle-of-the-road stuff.
NP: "I Could Move" - Please Step Out Of The Vehicle. I like the vaguely Built-To-Spill-ish-ness of this song. Don't know anything about the band, nor do I even know when and where I downloaded it.
NP: "songwriter_03_NEW.m3u" - stream all of the above songs.
NP: "songwriter_03_NEW.zip" - zip file of all of the above songs.
NR: Finally finished Last Exit To Brooklyn. The final chapter or vignette or whatever the hell you call it is absolutely lovely. The first four are all just set up, and the last one is simply sublime. Wow. Truly.



Nothing really to write. Just finishing off the mp3 playlists above.



02.14.07 wincy pouter

NP: "Giants And Tigers" - Great Lakes. Continuing the post from yesterday, these are some more tracks that I selected for the songwriting friend that is about to start writing his new album of material. Yesterday's playlist is called "OLD" because it's songs that are older. Today's is called "MEDIUM" because it's songs that aren't old and aren't new. (Can you guess what the next playlist is going to be called?). To start this one off is Great Lakes. They added this song to their set halfway through the tour with The Clientele. It was always a highlight when they played it.
NP: "Really Dave Matthews" - Don Lennon. One of the Dungen guys bought this album on tour. It's kinda a gimmick, but... it's enjoyable if you haven't heard it at all.
NP: "Kathy In Her Bedroom" - Bedroom Walls. Just a great song from the new album.
NP: "Rose" - The Race. A pretty pretty song. Was hoping they were going to be available to play with Frightened Rabbit in Chicago, but alas they weren't available.
NP: "Down At Columbia And Cameron" - The Physics Of Meaning. I don't even remember when I downloaded this, and I've never tracked anything else down by this band. But I like this song.
NP: "6/8" - The 101. One of the best songs The Self-Starter Foundation ever put out.
NP: "Plan B" - The New Year. I need to get the Bedhead albums on CD one of these days. And I need to pay better attention to the great The New Year records.
NP: "One And Only" - Grand Champeen. I never got this album. I should track it down one of these days.
NP: "I'm With You And The Constellations" - Mazarin. Another band I've just never paid enough attention to, even though I know how good they are.
NP: "Summer Special" - Land Of Talk. I look forward to hearing an entire album from these folks. Maybe it's already out and I don't even know about it? Maybe I should do some research before I go and type away, eh?
NP: "Sunday Bell" - Audible. Sweet song from this Philadelphia band. Always great.
NP: "Life Is Still Sweet" - White Hassle. One of my favorites ever. Just a perfect perfect PERFECT song.
NP: "The Melody Of A Fallen Tree" - Windsor For The Derby. Pretty song.
NP: "Lost To The Lonesome" - Pela. Should have been the next U2 or The Church (and I mean that in a good way), but... I think they kinda just disappeared. Again... I should do some research.
NP: "Track 2" - The Paper Chase. Like... maybe I should also find out the name of this song? Before Gracenote CDDB you used to actually have to type in all the mp3 metadata yourself. Do you remember that, kids?
NP: "House Of Cats" - Meneguar. Local favorites really coming into their own.
NP: "songwriter_02_MEDIUM.m3u" - stream all of the above songs.
NP: "songwriter_02_MEDIUM.zip" - zip file of all of the above songs.
NR: Finally starting the new Alice Munro.



Took Wincy Pouter out for Valentine's Day. Had very ambitious plans. Three inches of snow in Staten Island and the entire car service and taxi industry decides that it will just close. Fucking ridiculous. Dinner at Aesop's Table was actually quite nice. But, anyway. Trudging most of the way back to the ferry before finally getting a bus, we get onto the 1 train and make it to The Met in time for the start of Act 2 of Jenufa. I can't say it was really very good, but... It was nice to go to the opera.

The timing would have all worked out if it weren't for the storm. Which is just plain ridiculous. The entire city acted as if they weren't prepared. The sidewalks in the East Village are still really poorly taken care of. Walking to BBBB is so much better because there are so many homeowners that they're taking care of it themselves.







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Copyright 2007 The Self-Starter Foundation

All rights reserved.

All materials contained on this site are protected by United States copyright law and may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, displayed, published or broadcast without the prior written permission of The Self-Starter Foundation. You may not alter or remove any trademark, copyright or other notice from copies of the content.

However, you may download material from The Self-Starter Foundation website (one machine readable copy and one print copy per page) for your personal, noncommercial use only.

For further information, please contact The Self-Starter Foundation.

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